A Marriage of Honor

Ok, ok so the “S” word has you thinking – what’s this article going to be about?  You guessed it – the subject of submission.  Now put away your torches and pitchforks because I want to explain it through, in a way that the Lord put on my heart.  I want to make it absolutely clear what submission is – and what submission is not.  I have been in unhealthy relationships that have tainted my perception of what submission was NOT supposed to be, but God has brought me to a place to understand what the definition is truly supposed to mean according to the word of God RIGHTLY divided.  (He really heals everything!)  You see – we have to come to the place where we stop taking scripture out of context.  Basic hermeneutics (rightly dividing scripture) will teach you how to interpret a text.  You can never just take a scripture and make a law out of it – how do you know if you’re interpreting it right?  It MUST have some history to go along with it, and supporting scriptures to back it up.  That’s precisely what this article is about;   Taking the sting out of submission.  Many abusive relationships have been born out of the submission issue.  God never intended submission to be used to hurt us ladies – it was meant to be a means to bless us with the desires of our hearts.  Seriously!  Read on...

 Honor Vs. Submission

The definition of Honor, according to Webster’s dictionary, is: Respect that is given to someone who is admired.  Submission is defined by Webster’s as a state of being obedient; accepting authority or control.  The Greek lexicon translates the word submit as Hupotasso and gives us a very similar definition of submitting as Webster’s.  When we merge honor with submission it will be easy to see how biblically, submission can be done without fear or angst, or wanting to live single the

rest of our lives.  When a man is fully submitted to God, he is able to lead a wife well – yes men – you are called to submission also!

We live in quite an advanced society where many women have had to step up and be in the role of both husband and wife, mother and father.  We as women have become strong and independent.  It was never God’s intention to have women play both roles.  Ephesians 5:25 says ”Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  When you have a Godly husband who is willing to change and grow under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, you have a husband that is easy to trust and admire (and husbands when you do obey the Lord your life will be more blessed!)  Submitting to his wants and desires becomes an act of love and not something done out of a religious spirit.  To give you an example, my husband and I recently bought our first home.  We’ve been busy putting it together and making it our own, and busy with volunteering for the different ministries we enjoy.  One weekend, there was a conference three hours away he wanted to attend but I just wanted to cuddle up on the couch with a blanket and enjoy the glow of the fireplace with a good book.  We could have gone two ways… 1. Me demanding my way or 2. Submitting to his desires out of love.  So what did I choose?  I chose to go.  What shocked me was how the Lord spoke to my heart that night for going, and the following day, I was blessed by someone asking for me to consider a leadership position.  And this is where I will dig in and get into scripture to show you how the Lord revealed to me that submission brings a great blessing.

For starters, God made eve out of the side of Adam, not his feet to be walked on.  Deuteronomy 28:13 says “And the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you shall only go up and not down, If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God.  God is our peace, I pray in your marriage that you can have the unity that He calls us to in Ephesians 2:14 “For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself a new man in place of the two, so making peace.  When you got married, you became one.  When we are in Christ, we are one in Him.  Consider with me that being one in Christ as a married couple makes the both of you brides?  Yes he is a male – and your earthly husband – but he also becomes a bride along with the body when he receives Christ.  This revelation for me – took the fear out of submission – because knowing that we are equal partners – we willingly submit to each others desires.  Submission is not supposed to be about being controlled by a selfish tyrant who thinks his main role is to be served by you.  Submission is honoring one another above yourselves, thinking of the other person more highly than you think of yourself.  Your  wants and desires will be met when you decide that “love your neighbor as yourself” should be used in your own home.  So many times people go out into the world for the sake of having their hands in a “ministry” when they can’t even handle what they’ve got going on at home. 
Christ came to abolish the rules – and he succeeded, but that doesn’t mean that there aren't alignments that need to happen within our hearts, minds and homes.  I have been corrected and adjusted more times than I can count – because I have learned that submitting myself to the correction and discipline of the Lord brings better and greater rewards than when I try to accomplish something on my own.  The word of God tells us not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, yet so many women today compromise and allow your lives to be incredibly difficult by not waiting for God’s best.  In my single life, God was very strict with me about my purity.  And when my husband and I started dating we heard God warn that if we were intimate before marriage it would destroy us.  So we waited – it was soooo hard but we waited – because in that dating period, God was revealing some of our future to us.  Our vision for our future unified, and because of our obedience, now married, we are starting to see that vision come to fruition.  There is NO excuse you can make that will ever be good enough to God on why you refuse to obey him as your Lord.  He has nothing but the best of plans for you – blessings beyond your wildest dreams.  But it all starts with submission.  I know we all hate that word, but it’s really about love – not about being controlled or second place.  When we are in submission to God, he honors us – and scripture says that he makes us to be the head and not the tail.  Ephesians 2:6 reads that we were raised up with him and he seated us with him In the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.  Grace has covered where we have fallen short, but it’s important to know that when we humble ourselves from the pride of our independence and allow

Jesus to be our King, we get blessed like a well kept wife.  It is our duty as men and women to come into alignment when we’ve been shown the truth, deciding to continue to disobey falls under the spirit of disobedience and rebellion, which are open doors to the enemy that bring curses upon your life.

I’m going to take a moment and put an aside here, abuse is NEVER the intent of the Lord.  If your spouse is physically, emotionally or financially harming you, you need to seek help.  Submission does not mean that you allow abuse to happen.  Your marriage is supposed to be reflecting the love of Christ, not the spirit of destruction.  Trusting in a husband, or people for that matter can be hard when you’ve been abused.  When you tuck yourself in the arms of the almighty, he will show you how to trust. 

Being a Christian is about freedom in Christ.  He died to set us free from the bondages that religion has kept us under.  If you don’t understand what I mean – look at a woman in a Burka.  She is submitting to her husband and to her religion.  Muslim women are without the freedoms that we have, but in their culture, it's - submit or be beaten… or worse. 

We are to be our husbands help meets, to compliment each other in life.  (Genesis 2:18)

The freedom that Christ gives us is that through our submission, we are blessed.  The desires of our hearts get met when we decide to lay our desires down to build up our spouse (men – I’m talking to you too).  God has a great call on marriages – He created them to be a representation of who he is to His bride.  What kind of steps can you take today to more completely align yourself into obedience with the Lord?  What has he asked of you that you may not have done yet?  He’s not asking to be a tyrant, He’s asking because he has a plan for your life, to prosper you (Jeremiah 29:11).  The more you decide to obey God, the more the blessings will chase you down. 

But what if we don’t agree?

I don’t always agree with my husband, and he doesn’t always agree with me!  Ok, so you have two paths to take here too.    #1.  I can argue with him and demand to have my way, or #2.  I can run to God and ask for clarity.  I like to enjoy a peaceful home, so what my husband and I do when we can’t agree on something is put it before the Lord.  When I’m wrong about something, God will explain why.  When I’m right about something, he will tell my husband .  When you can mutually respect and honor your spouse, peace will be the corner stone of your home.  Sometimes we’re both right but need to tweak the details in a loving and mature manner – and we do.  Once again – being humble and putting your spouse above yourself is going to save your marriage from the turmoil that being selfish brings.

Having a spouse who listens to the Lord is such a blessing worth waiting for.  When there is an attitude or a behavior that doesn’t line up with who you know that they’re supposed to be, go to God about it – don’t go complaining to anyone who will listen.  Maintain the honor in your marriage by protecting their reputation.  The world doesn’t need to hear about your issues, it will only taint others views of your spouse.  How can we be godly representatives of marriage when we’re tainting our spouses reputation in the city gates to be that of a horrible mate?  One of my favorite teachers of the word is Brother Kenneth Copeland - he puts marital submission this way -
Submission has to do with order—not subordination. In the spirit world, there is no difference between men and women. In the natural realm, however, God has established a rank of authority in order to maintain order and avoid confusion.
Ephesians 5:22 says, “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” This is not elevation of the man above the woman in importance, power, anointing or revelation. It simply means that in the home, the husband is the leader.
The husband and wife should operate together in faith as one unit. This is the reason Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents...” instead of “Children, obey your father....” The woman has just as much spiritual authority as the man.
In the beginning, God placed the man and woman side by side, as equals. When Eve allowed Satan to use her, she fell to a subordinate position. However, Jesus changed all that! He brought the woman back to a position equal to the man. He raised them up together and made them sit in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6). 

God, I pray for everyone reading this to be completely delivered from darkness and brought into the light of your truth.  I thank you God for their marriage and pray that their spouse will love you, and love them just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for us.  We are blessed to be a blessing when we obey.  Help us to trust you more and to walk in your paths, knowing that you are good, that you never lie God.  Thank you for being a perfect example of a loving husband, help us to reflect you through our marriage.  In Jesus name, AMEN!