Love is not a four-letter word - a husbands perspective
John 17:26ESV
26 I made known to them your name, and I will
continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in
them, and I in them.”
Nope.
I'm a tough guy. A warrior. Someone you
don't mess with. That's the side most everyone sees. But then there's the
softer gentler side, which only a handful of people see… My loving wife, my
awesome kids, family and close friends.
Both sides are needed. And both sides operate in full alignment. One
side doesn't supersede the other. They work in tandem, equally balanced. Keeping the world out and my love in. That’s the mindset I've had for many years
anyway. It worked for me in the past, but it was flawed, it was broken. Being a
man of God and a warrior, I felt I had to be stoic, hard, almost unacceptable.
But that's NOT God. Jesus flows like
living water in us. John 7:38 ESV
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has
said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” Not to be
contained like a shallow pool limited and sheltered for ourselves, but to pour
forth. God started working on me to open up – to let the love flow out. First amongst my family, and outward to the
world at large. Not to be contained or dammed up in myself or in my church, but
to be a flood of living breathing tangible love.
I have always had an intimate relationship
with Jesus. Or so I thought. I was a rough-cut man who was a fighter, a
warrior, and a protector. A man who loved God and his word. I prayed hard.
Worked hard. Trained hard. But I was lacking the core meaning. A third
generation Marine, Love to me was a love of a father to a son. Strict. Focused.
Manly. I didn't let love show. I kept it contained, sheltered, hidden.
Fast forward to almost
two years ago. When a woman of God unknowingly walked around my fortress walls,
blew her trumpet and caused my walls to crumble and Gods full and loving power
to surge out of me like a roaring lion. A
simple kiss on the cheek (totally innocent and non sexual) took my faith and
supercharged it.
Jesus
opened me up. Wrecked me and operated on me. Through my relationship with my
soon to be wife, he kept peeling off layers of pain, decay, false teaching,
genetically altered doctrines and began filling me with Him. He began showing
me. I was not just a man who was on this earth to serve an awesome and almighty
God, but I was created BY Him, for Him - Lovingly unique and Powerful, yet gentle,
Passionate and caring, Intense, yet calm. God created me to serve a purpose for
His glorious kingdom on earth. And that innocent kiss I received was the
introduction to a new life - A new relationship fueled by Him. Love had been
planted; awakened, unleashed. He also
answered my prayers above and beyond, and created a woman who I had only
dreamed of.
Genesis 1:27 (NIV) 27 So
God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them; male
and female he created them. A woman like me, Unknowing of her full potential... a woman of God who was also transformed when
she innocently leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. Greater than any fairy
tale, this was the beginning of the most life changing transformation of our
lives.
Let’s look at a few
definitions
Love - 1a (1)
:strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
(2):attraction based on sexual desire
:affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3)
:affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
b :an
assurance of affection
3 a :the
object of attachment
Desire -
- :conscious impulse toward something
that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment
b
:sexual urge or appetite
3:a usually formal request or petition
for some action
Intimacy -
1: the state of being intimate: familiarity
2: Something of a personal or private
nature
Those definitions are pretty cut and
dry. They define love, desire and intimacy. Three things we all seek and want
out of a spouse. How do you attain them? Through totally yielding and
submitting your methods and ideologies to God. For many of us, the definition of love has
been so tainted by the world. But God
has revealed to us that we have been living in sub-standard conditions compared
to what his love really means.
Proverbs
3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he
will make straight your paths.
God took us off the trodden
"traditional" Christian path and led us down a path covered in vines
and overgrowth. A path not travelled by anyone in a long time. He handed us
both machetes and pointed the way. As we
both began walking and chopping away...clearing our way, He began to minister
to us. Teaching, mentoring and training us. He never left our sides. As we grew
closer to each other, we both grew closer to Him. As we walked, we became
entwined. Joined. We as an earthy couple began courting each other. Growing in
our love. God was courting us. He was molding us, showing us what it really
means to love, and most importantly how to receive love so that we could give
love. It was a blossoming romance between the 3 of us. And the more we walked the stronger that
bonding, binding romance got. Ecclesiastes
4:12 NKJV
12 Though
one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord
is not quickly broken.
He IS the cornerstone to our foundation.
He IS the one we seek 1st above all else. He IS our bridegroom and we are HIs
bride. We have walked with Him, talked with Him, grown both spiritually and
physically with Him. He has shown us the mold of a perfect marriage and we
crave it. He continually teaches us, protects us, comforts nurtures and pushes
us to grow in ourselves, in our physical walk as husband and wife and in our
spiritual walk as His bride. He is continually showing Himself to us,
completely naked and unashamed. Transparent, loving, pure, kind, passionate and
real.
The 3 definitions I posted earlier are
the things we seek from a spouse. In order to fully attain that, we have to
first receive them from Him. That is
where we are now. Continually walking down that narrow path on a journey set
forth by God As a triune marriage, set apart for us - Ordained by God. Married,
joined and unified by the king of kings and the lord of lords. We are one - A three-strand
chord wrapped so tight we look like one because we are one.
I am romantic because He is romantic. I
am love because He is love. Let's take a look at what the word says about
love... 1 John 4:8
whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
That's a powerful scripture right
there. Think about it. God created all things good. God’s whole design is for
us to walk in love - to know Him intimately as He knew Adam and Eve in the
garden. He gives us a pure love, a love without limits or judgment, fully
abandoned and open, without boundaries or shame. My wife and I both spent our time in the
world, meeting each other for the first time was just going to be another
business friendship. Hardened by divorce
– she wanted nothing more than to become trained in self-defense so she could
train her girls, and other women who need the teaching. I was on the edge of taking off and exploring
the world – just my work and me. Little
did we know, the place we were in was a serious danger zone, and God – who is
love wasn’t about to leave us in that place.
Had we remained in that state of anger and pain, we could have still
loved God – but we certainly didn’t know him.
Love is patient, love is kind, It
does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love
never fails.
That's powerful stuff right
there. God is love. God is perfect love. It is his perfect love that enables
you to learn to love your spouse, your family and friends and the world. By
learning from the author of the book of love Himself. He wants you to open up
to Him. He wants us to open up to him and to open up to us, fully and
completely, in all the facets of HIs perfectly created love.
Sounds kind of easy right? Well it is.... If you and your spouse fully
surrender all of yourselves up to Him, offering yourselves as a living
sacrifice. Allow yourselves to become one in spirit with God, to be so openly
transparent with your spouse and with God.
How does this look? It starts
with baby steps – a little at a time. In
our dating stage, my wife and I would share things about ourselves – only with
the nudging of the Holy Spirit that we were really uncomfortable sharing with each
other. Past hurts, the dark recesses of
our soul, and with each revelation, she met me with love, and I in turn met her
in love. Never condemning, never in
anger – but love. Perhaps you and your
spouse are several years into marriage and the thought of becoming transparent
to her / him sounds scary – why should they know THAT about you? “Therefore confess your sins to one another
and pray for each other so that you may be healed” James 5:16 What if sharing
your weakness with your wife became the very thing that caused her to fall more
in love with you. Women have a need for
that intimate connection with us. Women
are more verbal and like to talk it out when there are issues going on. When we keep it bottled up all the time like
we’re this perfect, nothing ever rattles us kind of guy; it creates a wall, unease. Did you also know that the bible says that
when we keep our consciences clean, we have a greater peace? Do you have a nagging thought that won’t go
away? Talk to your spouse about it,
sometimes its in the revealing that heals, and that increase in intimacy with
your spouse creates a tighter bond. Your
wife was given to you by God to be your helpmeet – take the weight off of your
shoulders and let her fulfill that purpose in your life – open up and start
sharing! Start a journal dialogue with
her – write out your feelings and let her read them – you’ll find that you
create a much deeper intimate connection with her than if you keep it all to
yourself.
Above all, love each other
deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
We are going to touch on all
areas of Gods love. There are 4 of them. They are all needed to make love whole
and are all different facets of the love of God. All of them are present together or
individually in all that we do, in all that we are. They are; Agape, Philio, Storge,
and Eros
It's all tied in to God. Love always starts with God's leading followed by God's faith
coming, which gives us access to God's grace. God's grace then flows in,
thinking God's thoughts, speaking God's words, and doing God's acts through
you. Your place is to submit to the righteousness of God and let Him do
it through you. God gets all the glory, and you get blessed beyond
measure.
We'll start with agape.
Mark 12:30–31 KJV
30 And
thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and
with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. 31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou
shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater
than to love.
Agape is defined as this: Agape is selfless,
sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest form of love. It's eternal. Never
faltering. Never ending, the purest form of love.
This Greek word and variations of
it are found throughout the New Testament. Agape perfectly describes the kind
of love Jesus Christ has for his Father and for his
followers:
Whoever has my commands and keeps
them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father,
and I too will love them and show myself to them. (John 14:21, NIV)
Isn't this how love should be?
For your marriage and for your family your life?? Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her.
Selflessly giving yourself to your spouse... hmmmmm
how many of us can say they truly do this??
Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all
together in perfect unity.
Let's look at that verse, Binds them all together
in perfect unity. There's that 3-fold chord again. Bound together, unified, Married, Joined, never separated. Can
we be that transparent to our spouse, our God and ourselves? Absolutely! And He is such a loving Father
and husband that He works in us slowly and patiently, aligning us up with Him
as He aligns us up with our spouse. Renewing our minds bodies and spirits to
receive that agape love fully deeply and without end.
Titus 3:4-5, But when the goodness and loving kindness of
God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in
righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration
and renewal of the Holy Spirit. How many
of us long for the kind of love where the couple is really and genuinely happy? You’ve seen it in others and have gotten
angry over it? Thinking it’s
unattainable, unreachable, fake - A bogus fairytale. But guess what? It's
already been declared yours!!! It
resonates in us all. It's intensity waiting to be unleashed. God has already
put it inside you. We have to allow its activation.
Look at Adam an Eve in the garden. Daddy
created the perfect place to allow perfect love access. He wanted that pure
intimacy. He wanted the ability to talk with, walk with, and fellowship with
HIs beloved creation. He wanted that agape love covering the whole garden,
naked and unashamed. That agape love was the foundation of HIs intimate
relationship with us. It was pure raw and perfect. In essence, the 1st spiritual marriage was
between God and Adam. But God, knowing that man would need a physical marriage
to coexist with that spiritual marriage, created a helpmate to grant Adam that
physical intimacy which God wanted Him to have. (A side note here – God did NOT make Eve for
the sole purpose of sexual satisfaction – but that’s another blog altogether) God's plan was for man to be in a primary relationship
with himself as a source for all his needs and blessings. Out of that
relationship would flow mans relationship with each other, living together
under God's love.
(Genesis 2:18 NIV) The LORD
God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone".
God created woman to be man's
helper. And overseeing that, He oversaw the 1st marriage between man and woman.
Which brings us to the 3-fold chord again. That IS how God foresaw true
marriage true relationship and true love. Agape love. The Union of 2 people
married to Him tied together tighter than anything imaginable. That moment that
the 3 of them were forever joined in marriage was the 1st covenant. Totally
open, exposed, Blameless. Transparent. Now do you see how THIS love is the
foundation for which all love manifests?
It's pure. It's holy. It's His. And it's how God intended His creation
to be.
From that marriage and through
that perfect agape love God introduced Eros. His 1st commandment was... brace
yourself, to have SEX. God created all things good. He created us in His image.
So God enjoys sex. Man is a spiritual being made in the
likeness of God, but enclosed in a body of flesh.
(Genesis 1:28 NIV) God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and
increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea
and the birds of air and over every living creature that moves on the
ground."
Stay tuned for the next blog on Eros,
it’s sure to wreck your religious feathers, but my wife and I have had many a
talk with God in regards to sex. He isn't ashamed of it. He doesn't hide it. He
made it. And He made it good and pleasing to Him and to us. But that is for
another blog altogether.
Father God, we thank you for
relationships. We thank you for
marriage. We thank you for making our
marriage beds pure and holy and for loving us correctly so that we can love
others. I open my heart today God to
receive your healing revelations for my life.
Break off the lies I’ve believed about what love really is and show me
how to love more like you do. Thank you
for making me in your image and that I am whole and without flaw, because I am
made in love and in your likeness. Wash
over me and cleanse me today, make me new.
In Jesus name Amen.
If you missed the intro to this series, click the following link http://laughingatyourreligion.blogspot.com/2015/05/love-is-not-4-letter-word-part-1.html
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