“Houses
and wealth are inherited from
parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
Proverbs 19:14
In today’s
world, we think of an inheritance as a financial windfall when a loved one
passes. Physical gifts of cars,
furniture, houses get left behind. What
do any of those things mean in the long run?
What do they mean in the grand scheme of life? What if the inheritance we should be leaving
is a demonstration of the godly way that a husband should love his wife, and a
godly wife should love her husband? We
all grow up in brokenness. It’s a fallen
world that we live in, broken is normal… but it doesn’t have to continue to be
the inheritance that we give to our children by demonstrating a home that is
filled with conditional love or abuse.
“Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for
her… In the same way, husbands ought to
love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself. After
all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as
Christ does the church”.
Ephesians
5:25&28-29
Can you
imagine taking care of your husband or wife, as well as you take care of your
own body? Think about all of the things
you do on a daily basis to take care of yourself. You put on clothes that make you feel good;
you prepare food that satisfies excited taste buds. You prep yourself just so. How about the next level of self-care – those
little things you buy yourself to make yourself feel good. The latest magazine or whatever trinket it
may be that makes you happy. Take it to
the next level – and think on the more expensive something’s that you buy for
yourself… are you willing on a daily basis to love your husband or wife with
that extent of love? I’m not saying that
love is about giving gifts, what I am saying is that I want you to take a look
at your current situation – and evaluate.
Are you giving your other half the same amount of love and affection
that you give yourself? If not – why
not? What’s holding you back from loving
them like that? The verse in Ephesians
is Gods request of us as husbands and wives.
He didn’t ask us to love each other like this so that we could leave an
inheritance of brokenness to our children.
Obviously something went wrong and brokenness is the inheritance that
has spread like a disease throughout our societies. I know when I was married to my first
husband, the pain of an emotionally distant husband hurt all the time. I prayed for a love like Jesus talked
about. I wanted to be loved and valued
and cherished. But rejection was how I
felt 99% of the time. This was the
inheritance I was demonstrating to my children.
My broken and hurting marriage was their reference point to what love is
and how it should be. The mirror image
of my marriage was to be their inheritance and I knew deep down in my heart
that they deserved better – so I chose to be a generation changer. I chose to let go of the reigns I was holding
on to and let God become my husband. So
I started dating him. Yeah I know that
sounds weird – but just listen anyway… I’ll give you a couple of for
instances. In dialogue with God one day
as I was on my way to meet a friend for lunch, God started whispering to me
about my value to him. He started wooing
my heart; he told me that I was more valuable to him than all the diamonds in
the sky. He then went on to say that I
didn’t need to worry about paying for lunch that day, he had already taken care
of it for me and someone would be picking up my check. I knew it couldn’t be my friend – I owed her
some money that I hadn’t repaid yet.
Once I got to the restaurant with my friend, I was looking over the menu
and being sort of selective because I didn’t think what I had heard in the car
was anything more than myself whispering wishes to myself. But God is not a man who lies… briefly after
getting our menu’s, my friend told me that she had a gift certificate and was
going to be taking care of my check for the day. It was all I could do to hold back the tears
that flooded my eyes. It was my God –
and he was really saying those things to me.
Fast-forward a week, God asked me to meet him for a date at the
bookstore at 9am the following morning for coffee. In the morning I woke up and got ready, and
on the way there I heard him say that he wanted me to be first in line. I thought that was a strange request – it
didn’t make much sense – what’s the point.
Shrugging it off, I pulled in to the parking lot, walked in and went
straight to the coffee bar. The server
was just pulling out from the oven, fresh, hot, blueberry muffins – one of my
favorites. So I ordered my coffee – and
added a muffin and shortly after there was a line behind me of another three
people. She handed me my coffee and a
muffin, and then asked if I wanted a fork
(which in my head I actually was wondering if they had any). I quickly said yes to the fork and she gently
handed one to me served on a folded napkin.
I sat down and just took in my surroundings. Thanking God for the food and the date, I
wondered what he had in store for me with our appointment. Halfway through my muffin I looked around and
asked him – why did you want me to be first in line daddy – I don’t get
it. And he responded – “Because I wanted
you to be served first – like a queen”.
It warmed my heart and like a bubbling teapot, I could feel the joy
within me rise up and glow out from every pore in my body. A queen… he wanted to treat me like a
queen. Now isn’t that the kind of
inheritance we should be demonstrating for our kids? If you’re in a difficult marriage – I know
that reading this can be like swallowing sandpaper. I’ve been there. And I know your pain. But can you imagine the
kind of marriage ~ and the kind of inheritance we could give our children if we
started loving our spouses the way God intended for us? It could change the world!
What holds
you back from cherishing your spouse?
One thing that I constantly see is the value that we put on our jobs,
our TV shows, our to do lists. The
saddest thing I saw recently was a couple on their anniversary. They were trying to make plans to go out to
dinner to celebrate, but there was a football game on midday – and so the
celebration was going to have to be postponed.
What kind of perceived value does that leave the other half with? Guys – if you are valuing your football team
or job etc.… more than you’re valuing your wife – shame on you! Are you getting kickbacks from your beloved
team? Does your job fulfill you and give
birth to your children? If the answer to
those questions is no, then its time to re-evaluate your priorities. The chatter around the water cooler on Monday
morning shouldn’t be about the latest TV drama or latest office gossip. What if your chatter revolved around bragging
about what your spouse did for you (not sexually) or what he or she bought for
you. What if your relationship became
something others started to crave and want in their lives. It’s so common to tear our other halves down
– and that’s certainly not loving like Christ. Someday I will be the kind of
wife that causes my husband to be respected and envied because of the way I
talk about and love on him. And I
certainly desire to get the same kind of love in return. With God as my date, He is showing me what it
is to be treated like a queen. And for
my future husband, I expect nothing less.
I’m not asking for perfect, but I am striving for the best God has to
offer, and in return I will do the same.
If you’re
divorced, start loving your future spouse now by asking God to reveal your
brokenness and begin your healing journey.
You cant bring an unhealthy, baggage laden life into a new relationship –
your new husband or wife doesn’t deserve the dirty you may be carrying, just as
you won’t want their yuck.
Dear Jesus; I pray for a world of
generational changers for your kingdom.
I pray that the person reading this will have a love like yours in their
own homes, and that their hearts will be healed, and wholeness and pure
authentic love with be the inheritance of their home. Bless them with the strength to heal, the
willingness to change, and the heart to never give up on their pursuit of you
Lord. Break off the chains that bind,
and take down the walls that separate, in Jesus name…
Amen
